I dream of participating in:

:: Artomat - An awesome program which uses vending machines to dispense something that should be far more addicting than cigarettes. Art. (source of photo above)

:: Open Yours Too - A swap for arties and crafties by a fabulous artist, Dawbis.

I would love to participate in:

:: Artists Helping Children - A creative way to help children in need with a little love and handiwork.

I am participating in:

:: 52 Figments - 52 weeks of creative questions to get the artistic ideas flowing.

:: Postcards From Cletus - Who else deserves a photo op than a traveling fetus?

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Don’t Rub His Nose In It.

After politely asking Charlie, our dog, to finally pull some of his weight around here and take out the trash, he responded by spinning around in circles and making a horrible growling Chubaka sound that brought Star Wars Nerds* from miles around to our front door.

As we are wont to do we translated his reply “I CAAAAAN’T take out the trash ...I don’t have any hands” said I. “I don’t have opposable thumbs” said Si. As a signal that he was released from his trash duties, due to his current circumstances, I gave the international (and Interspeecial) signal that it was time to play. In a typically effective manner I made some high pitched sounds and waved my “I’m gonna get you” grabby hands in his general direction. Normally this marks a dedicated time which requires Charlie to run around the house like a crazy maniac, or a bus that will explode if it travels under 80 miles per hour. When he stood there with a strange look on his face and did not move an inch, I gave Si a confused look. To which he yelled in a defensive and protective tone “Oh sure rub his nose in it.”

I giggled hysterically. Really, this is one of the funniest things Si has ever said. Get it? See, I was waving my hands and fingers at Charlie, and now he was clearly upset cause he did not have any of those fabulous things called “hands or fingers”.

Not so funny typed out? Well fine, but thats why I write this blog and not you. Although, considering the quality of this site maybe you should start. Please. Pretty Please.

*I love Nerds of all shapes, sizes and sects*

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Calling Him “Rat Bastard” Just Got Even Sweeter.

Who would not want to celebrate their fifth year of marriage, I can only hope, with a healthy amount of kicking, screaming, punching and biting?

Nothing could possibly be better than a romantic evening with the Rat City Rollergirls at their Charity Brawl & Exhibition Bout.

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Getting My Monthly Fix.

This calendar year seems to have a theme thus far. Subscriptions. Lots of subscriptions. Most are very kind and generous gifts and I thought I would share their links with you. Gosh, isn’t that terribly generous of me. Well, tell ya what. If you want, I will read the magazines over the phone to you also. I will even describe the pictures. Now that really is generous!

Magazines: Kits & Samples:

Real Simple Jenni Bowlin

Martha Stewart Living

The Sampler






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A Not So Dirty But, Unnatural And Passionate Love Affair.

Okay here it is, the truth. The person in this picture is not a sprightly young maid, but rather my rough and tumble husband. He likes to dress in women’s clothes. No, really! For some strange reason though, he has only ever done it once. It came to him shortly after a lot of very effective lip pouting and a lot of beg, beg, begging him to be my apron model!

This is my apron, my very first fabricated affair. My apron and I spent a very passionate night together as I lovingly tried to caress it’s gathers beneath the penetrating needle of my sewing machine. It all came to an abrupt halt when the sewing machine just couldn’t get up the strength to continue along. It’s motor didn’t have enough force to move the soft, smooth fabric along any further. The sewing machine, quite simply, had finished!

Not to worry! I wasn’t about to let my first sewing project have such an unsatisfying end. I had to take the situation into my own hands, if you know what I mean. Yes, I simply had to finish alone. It was quicker, but being so inexperienced, was a little daunting. Thankfully, I found out that when you have a detailed guide on the subject “hand sewing” isn’t so hard.

P.S. A year later and he is still embarassed about these pictures.

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A Brief And Disappointing Interruption Of The Information That I Previously Promised You.

My sister sent an e-mail to me that was a sort of, well, a personal survey. Much to my sadness, I believe she said that I would be the least likely to fill out and return the aforementioned survey. So now, not only will I fill out said survey, but I will also post it here so that I may subject everyone to my answers. Please note, that it is way past my bedtime.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 6:30 am. Right now for me that is sleeping in. I have been getting up at around 5-5:30 am.

2. Diamonds or pearls? Why not both?

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? The Chronicles of Narnia.

4. What is your favorite TV show? Lost.

5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Proteins till twelve, then some fruit. A good example would be an Egg white omelette and cantaloupe.

6. Favorite cuisine? Currently none. Bland Foods.

7. What is your middle name? Ann

8. What food do you dislike? Onions.

9. What is your favorite CD? Sarah Rabdau’s Benevolent Apollo. You can get it on Napster, or Itunes, or her website, and I think a couple other places too. Her music is growing, but her first cd deserves a place in all cd/mp3 players.

10. What kind of car do you drive? I do not drive, but when I do, I am really hoping for something with airbags at least.

11. Favorite sandwich? Homemade Egg Salad with Lettuce, Tomato, Light Mayonnaise, Mustard, and Light Margarine on Fresh Whole Wheat Walnut Bread.

12. What characteristic do you despise? I believe that any characteristic I may despise is most likely a characteristic that I greatly posses. I am trying to be a little easier on myself these days, so I am trying not to despise any characteristic, but rather to understand what role it plays in my life.

 13. Favorite item(s) of clothing? Well, if it has to be clothing and not accessories, then I would have to say Jackets.

14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation? Venice, again.

15. What color is your bathroom? They are all white right now.

16. Favorite brand of clothing? As of yesterday Eliza Gran.

17. Where would you retire to? This answer changes rapidly. I would love to live almost anywhere. I constantly fight my nomadic urges.

18. What was your most memorable birthday? I have not had a truly memorable birthday yet.

19. Favorite sport to watch? Roller Derby and other extreme sports.

20. Furthest place you are sending this? The World Wide Web.

21. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? I do not expect anyone to send this back since I am not sending it to anyone else.

22. The Person you expect to send it back first? Again, I do not expect anyone to send this back since I am not sending it to anyone else.

23. Favorite saying/quote? “People who claim that they’re evil are usually no worse than the rest of us.” He sighed. “It’s people who claim that they’re good, or any way better than the rest of us, that you have to be wary of.” - Gregory Maguire Wicked

24. When is your birthday? In September.

25. Are you a morning person or a night person? Recently, I have become a morning person.

26. What is your shoe size? 7-8

27. Pets: 4. One cat, two kittens (Yes. They are different from cats) and one dog.

29. What did you want to be when you were little? Creative and Liked.

30. How are you today? Anxious. It is a reoccurring theme.

31. What is your favorite candy? Almond Roca.

32. What is your favorite flower? Ranunculus.

33. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? The first day of Spring.

Update: Oy, was I grumpy or what?

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Next Year I Could Use An Anchor.

Well, we had a lovely evening at our favorite little tea shop. They have an annual candle light dinner with fabulous food and enough beverages to require that flotation devices be placed beneath each seat.

Oh, and soon I will let you in on a very passionate and unnatural love affair which I can not deny.

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Cold Hearted.

I feel positive that this is my Valentines present from my husband. Yesterday it was clear, last night it wasn't even rainy. This morning our home was covered in snow. Pristine as far as the eye could see. I got up before the sun this morning, so I did not even notice the snow until Si gave it to me wrapped in a bow.

I love and adore the snow. Even when there is a light rain just drifting amongst a breeze I say “Look it’s snowing.” Simon has to say “No, sweetheart that is called mist.” I always reply "Now that’s just cold hearted, you rat bastard.” Which is simply my way of saying I love you!

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The Wrong Bird.

It is true. I do believe that politely displaying your middle finger is indeed not vulgar, but also a non-violent way of saying to a fellow driver that their particular driving style is not worth crap. I do however, also think that it is important to first receive the permission of the driver behind the wheel of the car I am riding in. After all, the responsibility of my non-violent, passive aggressive “craptastic driver” awareness system may fall upon the shoulders of my vehicle operator.

The funny thing is, that even though I can “flip the bird” with conviction, I always have to double check that I did or did not indeed flip the correct bird. So, please be aware, that if you put me or my family’s life in danger while you are on the road and I proudly display my pinky finger or even my thumb in your direction, that I am not impressed with you and in my own non-violent, passive aggressive way, you have been warned!

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Yesterday, our morning started with the first step to recovery. We admitted we had a problem. A serious problem. We would trade the dog for a good book. If it is a reference book we will build you a dog house with our hands tied behind our backs. But that was the past. We had a new day ahead of us. A new start. We vowed to stop getting carried away with our book buying.

Later that day, we ran into our dealer/pimp in the most unexpected place. Yes, somehow she had snuck into Borders book store. She talked us into a small snort with a cheaply priced book about Leonardo Da Vinci. We were weak. Very weak. We wanted one last fix. We were ready to get Charlie’s leash and hand him over to her immediately. There was just one glitch. This particular book did not appeal to me as much as a book that contained all sorts of artistic wonders. We made a deal Da Vinci would be Si’s and The Little Big Art Book would be mine. We started on our way out and then our dealer mentioned that she had something very special for me indeed. She pointed to a tasty little book titled First Home with Style. I was a goner, I was already starting to experience withdrawal symptoms. I had to have it.

Si said we should grab it and then we should run. Run far, far away from the book store and never look back. Not to worry though. Today is a new day. We can stop buying books anytime we like. It’s not a habit, it’s just a bit of fun.

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Ménage á Trois.

We have decided to bring someone into our marital bed. Not only is Mrs. Meyers a hot little biscuit, but she is going to help with the housecleaning as well. In an attempt to convert our cleaning products to those with natural ingredients, we are getting rid of some of our old products and replacing them with Mrs. Meyer’s products. We chose the Lavender scent which I think will be especially nice between the sheets. I bet you’re all hot and bothered too. You dirty girl.

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His Ovaries Exploded.

This entry at Dooce.com made Si mist over. When asked if his ovaries did indeed explode, the sniffly reply was “pretty much”. Caution: Do not listen to this audio clip if you would like to keep your manly status in tact. Note: If you realize (like most married men) that your manly status is too insignificant to be compromised click here. Post Note: If you are a woman you may click wherever-you gosh-darned-please.

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This is Sam. He is new. Just like this blog. Please bear with me while this site is lovingly crafted, cradled and comforted like a newborn baby. Then, grossly manipulated.

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